Hearts at Home

A few days ago, as I waited for my kids to dry off at their swim meet, I caught the last part of another group’s race.

All of the swimmers had finished, except for a young girl in the middle lane. She was struggling with her backstroke and was not quite halfway through her lap. Most of the cheering had quieted and all eyes were on her.

But one voice could still be heard.

Alongside the pool, this young girl’s dad walked at the same pace she swam.

“You can do it! Keep going!” he shouted, smiling. You could tell he was proud that even though she was having a hard time, she wasn’t giving up. It didn’t matter that the other swimmers had already finished. It didn’t matter that his child would come in last.

What mattered to this man was that his daughter knew he believed in her.

He wasn’t sitting back in the bleachers, disappointed or frustrated. He was by her side, cheering her on. And when she finished her lap and climbed out of the pool, he beamed. “Good job!” he said.

I got a lump in my throat watching. And it reminded me that winning isn’t as important as we often make it out to be. As parents, I think sometimes we get too caught up in wanting our kids to succeed, focusing more on competing than whether or not our kids are having fun or building character.

And maybe we forget that sometimes, trying is winning.

Even though I appreciate my kids’ strengths and weaknesses, and I know they’ll be good at some things and not others, I admit there’ve been times I’ve caught myself on the edge of my seat at a game wanting my child to score that winning goal.

Or make that basket.

Or hit that homerun.

Most of the time, I think our desire to see our kids succeed simply comes from wanting the best for them. Whether it’s in school, in sports, or in life. And I’m not saying that winning is bad. It’s not. We should teach our kids to reach for goals, and try hard, and learn how to apply themselves.

But I believe there’s a balance to be found, even though that's sometimes hard to do. If our kids are giving their best effort, should it matter if they come in last? And what good is first place if they only push themselves for our approval? A loss every now and then just might build more character than an undefeated season.

I want to remember how that dad at the swim meet encouraged his daughter. I want to remember his seemingly unconditional pride. Because I want to give my kids that same kind of lift. Whether they come in first place or last. Whether they win or lose.

I want them to know I’m proud of them.

Always.

Genny lives in California with her husband and two kids, where she balances motherhood with writing, and loves both. Her work has been published in magazines and on Web sites. You can find her writing regularly at 5MinutesforFaith.com and at her blog, www.MyCup2Yours.com. In addition, she review books for the Sacramento Book Review and is an Assistant Regional Advisor for the Society of Children's Book Writers. Three of her children’s manuscripts have received awards. Genny is currently writing a non-fiction book for moms.

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thank You for this article
written by kay wolter, September 25, 2009

My Son is in 7th grade this year and school has been tough in the past and then this year I gave Him the if You get under a C no tv or WII or any other screen items except on Weekends.....Then as He crossing the street and I was doing Crossing Guard He passed Me a smashed paper with tears in His eyes.....so 15 minutes later I got in the car and He said Mom I tried and really studied which I knew He did I said to Him I know how hard to tryed and really studied with Dad...Please keep doing all YOur Homework and extra credit! I have heard from Other Mom's that this is the hardest class You will have this year and You must work to Your best appility and We will be so proud of You and also I have been told Kids who get D's on tests and quizes but do all their homework and extra credit still come out with a B- or C and that would make Us so proud DO Your Best and We will support You....With tears in HIs eyes He said I cryed in class...I told Him not to worry and He said "MOM YOU AND DAD are the very best I am so glad God picked You for MY Parents! We have an Open Adoption and those were the greatest words Isaid a very happy thank you God for those moments and His keeping My Mouth quiet....thanks

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