Amen to that! Some days I am totally unprepared to function in my profession as a mother. In fact, the other day I met a first-time mom who regularly reads the Hearts at Home column. As we talked, I could tell that I proved to be a disappointment.
She stated that since I write a column -- along with three other wonderful moms -- she thought I must have ALL the answers about marriage, mothering, and managing a household. Wrong!
She quickly discovered that I’m not a 21st century Donna Reed. Instead, I’m a 21st century wanna be.
I wanna be Super Mom. Actually, I’m more like Everyday Mom.
Super Mom leaps out of bed in a single bound ready to take on stacks of laundry, school preparations and starving children. In contrast, Everyday Mom lounges in bed realizing that she loathes laundry, lost the permission slip, and longs for the day when her children buy their own groceries. Super Mom powerfully tackles spring cleaning, triumphs at reorganizing the kitchen cabinets, and takes pleasure in preparing her annual garage sale.
Everyday Mom powerfully tackles removing baby food from the ceiling months after her baby flung it there, triumphs at cramming her groceries into her kitchen cabinets, and takes pains to never open her garage so the neighbors won’t call the health department. Super Mom speeds through Wal-Mart only buying what appears on her detailed list. Everyday Mom just speeds -- because she’s always late.
Super Mom knows the complete name, address, phone number, email address, income range, social security number, and any criminal record of every that her children associate with on a regular basis. Everyday Mom knows her own name and maybe the first name of her child’s best friend -- if given long enough to remember whether or not her child continues to be on speaking terms with that particular child this week.
Super Mom reads great literature to her children every night, reflects aloud on the meaning of life while chauffeuring them to practice, and relaxes with them while listening to classical music. Everyday Mom reads the comics to her kids, reflects aloud on how chores make responsible adults even when her children continue to complain, and relaxes only when she falls asleep -- until the baby wakes her up.
Super Mom, of course, remains the perfect size, with perfect hair, perfect nails, and perfect mom-friendly outfits. Everyday Mom remains perfect, too, but only in her imagination. Her family knows better. They live with her.
Super Mom finds her husband’s keys, fixes his favorite meals, follows his first place sports team, and flirts with him every night before bed. Everyday Mom loses her husband’s credit card, limits his cholesterol intake, lacks solid knowledge about any sport and lures him to bed with a brownie and a rerun of "Home Improvement."
Actually, I function somewhere between Super Mom and Everyday Mom.
On a good day, I fix a five-course, healthy meal for my family, fold the laundry when it comes out of the dryer, find time to speak affectionately with everyone and follow my "to do" list. On a bad day, I fix macaroni and cheese out of a box, fling the clean socks in a basket, find that none of my work gets done because my family constantly interrupts me and follow their interruptions by losing my temper.
In reality, I long to be Super Mom, often function as Everyday Mom, but most likely I would categorize myself as a REAL Mom. A Real Mom makes mistakes, manages the overcrowded family schedule, misses her child when he’s gone for a weekend, meets her mate half way on a disagreement, and minimizes the dirt and clutter in her home. A Real Mom protects her child from the cruel world, prays every day for her family, prioritizes her family’s needs over her own -- on most days, and points out that she did remember to buy food –even if it’s not the kind her family prefers.
Real moms live real lives.
We know we will never be Super Mom, but we hope each day to perhaps achieve the great feat possible of mothering -- hearing our children and our husband say that they could never live without us.
Now that’s real.
Mary Steinke writes a popular newspaper column, speaks to women throughout the Midwest, and served as director of publishing for Hearts at Home. Before children, she worked in full-time ministry as a chaplain in such diverse settings as nursing homes and prisons. Mary resides in Normal, Illinois, with her husband, Harry, and three sons.
Originally published April 20, 2002 at Hearts at Home
Living with Less so Your Family has More
"Though motherhood is that important of all the professions – requiring more knowledge than any other department in human affairs – there was no attention given to the preparation for this office." Elizabeth Cady Stanton, reformer and suffragette.