Hearts at Home

Yesterday, I had lunch with a former MOPS Mom who continues to struggle with financial problems. As we talked about her situation, it reminded me of our financial struggles over the years. Recently, I have been having a lot of these conversations as the economy continues to struggle. It is so hard on a marriage relationship, especially in the midst of raising a family.

So here are my 10 tips for surviving and even loving each other more through financial hardships.

1. Be truthful with each other — if your spouse cannot be truthful with you, you must be truthful with them. Problems grow when we keep anything from each other – secrets are never good for a relationship. No matter how fearful you are of the outcome – you must be truthful with yourself and your spouse about money issues in your marriage.

2. Pray about the problem – God owns everything – all the houses, cars, land, animals and things of this world. He is able to help you through every situation you might be in – foreclosure, bankruptcy, bounced checks, and lost jobs — everything! Don’t allow shame to keep you from praying about your situation and asking God for help.

3. If (and when) possible, pray about the situation together. Set a time each day/evening where you will bring the problem to the Lord in prayer together.  I realize that for many, this is not possible — if your spouse won’t pray with you, ask the Holy Spirit to pray for both of you. I encourage you to realize that the Spirit is pleading before the throne of God for you when you can’t. Romans 8:26-27“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.”  If it is too uncomfortable to pray together, write each other your prayers through an email or text message.

4. Take a good financial class – our church teaches Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey. It is an excellence course – easy to understand and work.  If your spouse won’t take it with you – do it yourself. 

5. Do not say “You make me feel” or “this is your entire fault”- because these statements are not true. No one can make you feel any way – you are responsible for your feelings.  Since there are 2 of you in your marriage – there probably has been blame on each side. Be willing to own up to your responsibility and do not blame each other.“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone:… Romans 12:18

6. Take a memory journey and remember what drew the two of you together. Look at the photos of your wedding and remember how God brought the two of you together. Look at the photos of your children and other blessings and remember how faithful God has been in the past in your lives. This was a life saver for me and probably one of the reasons I am so passionate about remembering God’s faithfulness. When I would be reminded of all that God had provided for Bill and I, it encouraged me to trust God for our future.

7. Be committed no matter what. In our marriage vows, most of us stated, “for better for worst, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer”. We did not promise to only be committed if our finances were secure or we were happy – we need to take this commitment to heart and walk through the hard times together. My promise to God was to love Bill regardless of our situation; this was a strong reminder to me of how God promises to love me no matter what. Do not allow your mind to wander to “if only” we had done this or I had married this person – ask boldly for God to help you remain faithful to your marriage vows.

8. Listen to each other – really listen. My mind goes much faster in communication than Bill’s and I can talk circles around him. We have learned that I need to give him time to talk and that means I need to keep quiet. Sometimes we have a magazine (or something similar) that we pass back and forth. Whoever has the magazine at the time is the one talking and they have the right to continue talking until they pass it off – that means the other person has to listen, wait and not interrupt. Oh, this is hard for me – but I am learning!!

9. Seek help!!! Do not be afraid to ask for counseling help for your relationship or financial help for your situation. Get outside advice. The enemy’s (satan) desire is to seek to destroy marriages and he uses shame to do this. Realize that everyone has problems and many of us need help working through hard issues. Shame and secrets will just keep your marriage in distress. Look for help from your church, a counselor, a financial adviser, a lawyer, or a mentor.

10. Trust God and lay all of your failures (financial and relational) in God’s hands. Let it all go, your expectations, your frustrations and your pain. Allow God to redeem it all for His glory ~ to tell His story of how He restores sin and relationships.

Bill and I are living proof that God can take a broken financial relationship and restore it back to love. Are all of our financial problems solved? No, but we are still together, committed to our marriage, working together on the issues and enjoying the many blessings God has been faithful to provide in our relationship and our family. It may very well be that we may experience financial problems all of our married life if that is God’s will; but we will do so together.  For better for worst, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer — together!  Praise God for the gift of redemption in our marriage!

“Forget the former things;
       do not dwell on the past.

  See, I am doing a new thing!
       Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
       I am making a way in the desert
       and streams in the wasteland.”

Isaiah 43:18 &19

Comments (2)

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to contact me
written by Sandra Joseph, June 13, 2009

Hi everyone,
Thank you for reading this entry - please visit my blog at Recognize & Remember www.sandrajowordpress.com and I look forward to see you at the fall Hearts at Home Conferences.

Blessings,
Sandra Joseph

...
written by Jan, June 19, 2009

Hi Sandy -- what a powerful reminder to us to look to God first throughout our diffuculties. Your testimony gives those of us with problems, regardless of the type of problems, hope for the future.

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