Hearts at Home

When we are children we make long lists of the things we want for Christmas. When we are moms, we make long lists of the things we have to shop for, wrap, clean and bake for Christmas. This is the year to merge those two lists.

What does your grown-up self really want for Christmas, and how will that affect those lists of things you have to do? Like your children, you may start off your list with a wildly implausible gift, something really big, like “peace on earth.” Doesn't seem too likely, does it?

But like many of the gifts we give our children, “peace on earth” comes unassembled. We have to put it together ourselves. We can start in our own living room, by encouraging family members to show their love for one another with good manners, respect, and courtesy.

Respect and courtesy may not look like the road to world peace, but they do provide an on-ramp; home is where we learn the lessons of civility that are the foundation of peaceful relationships with others. If we can manage to use good manners and maintain an atmosphere of respect and courtesy during the stressful, busy Christmas season, we can manage them during more relaxed times of the year.

Then, even if we don't quite have peace on earth, at least we will have a measure of peace at home – peace that may spill out of our homes into our corner of the earth.

Once you've gotten the big things out of the way, if you are like most moms - and some children - you might have other, more practical things on your list, things you know you can reasonably expect, if not under the tree, at least as part of your Christmas season.

Do you long to carry on old traditions, things like baking cookies with your mom, taking all the kids to choose a Christmas tree, or Christmas caroling the neighbors?

Is it your heart's desire to do Christmasy things for others: sending Christmas cards, baking special Christmas cookies, or inviting family and friends to the midnight Christmas Eve service at church?

Do you enjoy expressing your sense of faith and fun in the way you decorate, or wrap gifts, or extend hospitality to others?

Do you want to keep certain personal traditions or rituals that make Christmas special: a book of Advent devotions, or a Christmas tea with friends, or a quiet, dress-up dinner out with your husband at a nicely decorated restaurant? Are you hoping to attend your child's Christmas program at school, or a sing-along Messiah performance?

Don't forget the life-goes-on things that must be done even during the Christmas season: paying bills, making everyday meals, cleaning the house and doing laundry.

Which of these things are most important to you, and to your family? Or, to put it another way, what absolutely must be done for your family to function, and enjoy Christmas?

Beyond that, which things give you a tingle of expectation and hope? Which items on your list summon up wonder and joy?

What do you really want for Christmas?

These are your Christmas priorities, and they belong at the top of your list. Now that you've made your list, check it over again.

Do you have chores or traditions that aren't particularly thrilling, but which must be done nevertheless?

Don't procrastinate. Make a plan to accomplish these tasks. If possible, find a way to combine them with something you do enjoy: listen to the Christmas music you love while you bake cookies, or address Christmas cards in the room you've just decorated with your favorite ornaments. Then enjoy the satisfaction of fulfilling those responsibilities.

Now choose from the rest of your list the things you most want – those gifts of time and family activities that fill your heart with the spirit of the season.

Whether you are wishing for a big gift like peace on earth, or something as simple as baking cookies with your kids, put the things you really want for Christmas on your list, and savor the pleasures of the season.